


No Pitter Patter of Little Feet

by Truthmaker



Series: New Life Aboard This Old Ship [3]
Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-19
Updated: 2013-03-19
Packaged: 2017-12-05 19:12:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/726927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Truthmaker/pseuds/Truthmaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a dark night in the black the crew mourns their losses and Serenity has hope for the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Pitter Patter of Little Feet

The girl rests under Vera’s watchful gaze, tears in her eyes. Safe in his arms, but sleep will not come. He is dreaming. Visions drip from his ears, white picket fences and little boys covered in mud. Things he cannot have. Things the girl cannot give him.

He tries not to think on it while awake, tries to spare the girl. But sometimes he sees a young family and visions flash – Blue hands and lab coats and blood, lots of blood. And she knows, just because he has accepted what they did, doesn’t mean they won’t pay if he gets the chance. The girl smiles at this as the tears flow.

***

Simon held her in his arms while his tears fell. “It weren’t his fault,” she had said and made him repeat it until she thought he believed. He didn’t believe it, couldn’t believe it. He had hurt her. He’d hurt them both and he didn’t even know it at the time. He may not have fired the shot but he was responsible. 

He hadn’t fired the shot, but Dobson was there for him. It was he who delayed treatment; he held her life hostage until the Captain agreed to run. When he finally got her on the table she hadn’t held his full attention with River waking and the Alliance breathing down their necks. He did not know if it was his delay or his distraction but the damage was done. Kaylee would never bear his child or any child, and it was his fault.

***

Mal slept sated and content. His occasional snort or mumble could not disturb Inara’s slumber. For her, sleep would not come. She had to tell him. She knew she had to tell him, but every time the thought entered her mind it was supplanted by a vision; Mal standing in her shuttle talking about his parcel of young’ins with that smile on his face. The smile she had only seen a handful of times before or since. How could she take that away from him?

She wanted to tell him but what could she say. _As part of becoming a Companion I gave up my ability to have children. There’s an operation to reverse the procedure but it is more than you could ever possibly afford._ It would hurt him so much to know she could never complete his wish. He would be broken, or worse, would risk everything they held dear to try and make the money. Worst of all, she feared, he would simply reject her and seek his dreams elsewhere. As he slept tears gathered in her eyes, threatening to fall with the coming days.

***

Zoe lay in bed, her view of the ceiling obscured by water in her eyes and the occasional wracking sob. She had to go on. She’d promised the captain she would fly true but on nights like this it was all she could do to keep going. She had lost the one thing since the war that brought her all-encompassing joy. She understood his reasons but on nights like this she was so alone. She dreamed, when sleep would come, of him relenting of them bringing forth a new life. It was those dreams, dreams that would never come true, that hurt her most of all. On nights like this the sobs came as she lay in bed and though of what would never be.

***

Serenity was hurting plenty as she flew through the black. She had suffered so much in the last year. She had been rent and torn asunder. She had lost two of her own and could feel the pain of those who remained. And yet, inside one of her crew Serenity felt a new life form. Seven began its journey to eight. All was not right, she still felt the loss of her own, but Serenity was still flying.

 


	2. A Night of Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe is out for a walk at night and finds River in the cockpit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to GoddessOfBirth for making this better for her comments.

Zoe spent too many nights silently walking the ship, her need to sleep eclipsed by her need to avoid the memories their bunk invoked.  On this night she had almost given up, almost succumbed to the lure of her bed in hopes exhaustion would lead to sleep and the chance not to dream.  A sound from the bridge granted a few minutes reprieve; she took it.

The scene on the bridge was almost familiar, River folded into the co-pilots chair and her man's throne standing empty, alone.  She almost left, silently as she came, when a soft sob floated up from the young woman's seat.  It was the sound that had drawn her here, the noise she could not identify, the sound of River crying quietly in the night.  "Whatever it is," she said, trying to lighten the mood, "it can't be that bad."

The sound of surprise and the look on River's face as she popped up over the chair-back suggested she could be wrong.  Whatever grief had captured their resident psychic was so all consuming she had failed to notice Zoe's entrance until the older woman spoke.  The young woman had seemed... better... since Miranda and what had followed.  The fits, at least, had stopped. While she still was difficult to understand, her words did make sense if you could wrap your head around the context.  Zoe had hoped the younger woman was getting better.  The older woman wanted so much for her young friend to have her life back, at least one of them deserved to be healed.

"She doesn't like it."  River's words cut through Zoe's thoughts.  "There's too much noise."

"She?"  Zoe asked, trying to find the context.

"Serenity," was the reply.  "The baby cries.  It disturbs her slumber.  She wants it to be silent."

"There a baby on board?"  Zoe was fairly sure there wasn't but it didn't hurt to check.

"No," River had that look in her eyes as she spoke, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  "Not yet."

"Well, then," Zoe didn't bother to hide her grin, "we've got some time yet."

The grin was not echoed on River's face; instead the tears that had abated threatened a return.  "I don't want to hurt the baby," she said, finally giving voice to her pain.

"You won't."  Zoe let the words carry her conviction.

"But if it doesn't stop crying..."  River could not finish the thought out loud.

"Sometimes babies cry."  Zoe's statement left no room for argument.  "They don't do it to be mean.  It just means they need something.  Could be they're hungry, or messy, or just need to know they're loved.  You find out what they need and fix it, the crying stops right quick."

Zoe saw the confusion on the girl's face.  It was times like this she realized what a sheltered life her young friend had led, even before the academy.  Leaving the safety of the doorway behind, she seated herself in the navigator’s chair, close enough to touch or be touched if needed.  River responded by turning her own chair so they were now face to face, with no barrier between them.  Zoe spoke again, trying a different tact, "You ever babysit when you was young?  Neighbor's kid maybe, or cousins?"

"Children were to be seen, not heard."  River's words initially held no malice, but that changed as she continued.  "Trotted out at cocktail parties, like dogs in a show.  Servants took them away when they cried."

A silent curse passed through Zoe's mind at Regan Tam and the damage she still inflicted upon her children.  She released the anger before she spoke again, not wanting the emotion to cloud her words.  "You'll do fine.  You've got that motherly instinct."

The incredulous look on River's face suggested otherwise, but before the girl could give voice to her concerns, Zoe continued.  "I've seen it.  The way you look after those aboard this ship, your instinct shows through.  'Sides I've seen how you look after Jayne and he ain't much more than a child himself."

River smiled, acknowledging the older woman's words before adding in agreement, "He takes so much looking after."

The silence that followed hung peacefully between them.  The torment that had drawn Zoe here appeared gone from the girl's face.  There was little more to be said.  They both needed time to think on the conversation.  It was broken in the end by the girl's failed attempt to stifle a yawn.

"River, honey, why don't you get back to that bunk you ain't supposed to be sharing with Jayne.  I'll keep an eye on things here for a while."

It was a friendly gesture, one River seemed to appreciate.  The young woman unfolded from the chair and pulled Zoe to her feet as well, wrapping her in a tender hug.  The older woman's arms found their way around her young friend as well.  After the embrace came to an end Zoe took up residence in the seat still warm from the girl's presence.  She turned to face the console and the stars, hoping to lose herself in the black for a few more hours.

"You'll make a fine mother."  River's words were spoken softly and heard clearly.  Zoe chose not to respond and continued to direct her attention out the window rather than acknowledge all of the reasons... well, the reason why that could never happen now.


	3. A Breakfast of Pistols and Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the night before. Secrets will be told, truths revealed, and there'll be a bit of gun-play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looked over, and improved, by night_lotus on LiveJournal

He’d stared down the barrel of a gun on more than one occasion. He usually preferred to be on the other end but this wasn’t his first time lookin’ into that dark ring. It was strange, at a time like this, when any breath could be your last, how shallow each breath becomes. Times like this called for no sudden moves, man behind that trigger finger wanted to know he had your undivided attention. There was no question he did. 

“Jayne, what are your intentions with my little albatross?”

Yeah, Jayne thought, swallowing slowly. This was going well.

***

Earlier…

It was the chill that woke him. The lack of her presence left him feeling cold and alone. It weren't the first time and he doubted it would be the last. She had to leave and there was nothing they could do about it. If Simon checked on her and found the bed empty there would be hell to pay. Still, it didn't sit right, wakin' up alone. His attempt at a lustful sigh was interrupted by soft lips pressing lightly against his own. 

“Mornin’ beautiful.” Jayne murmured, finally opening his eyes and smiling at the sight before him.

River matched his grin as her head disappeared into the material of her dress. Her grin disappeared as she paused and turned to the bunk still supporting Jayne, concern now drowning her features. "The captain is angry. Truths were revealed. Inara's pride will be struck a killing blow. We must provide an alternate target." Her face broke into a wide smile as she continued, "It is time."

Jayne rose slowly before reaching over to help zip up her dress. “Time? What for?” he asked, trying to keep emotion from clouding his words.

“It is the day of revelations. Truths to be told, secrets revealed.” She cocked her head at him before adding, “We really should be together for this.”

Jayne hoped his smile reached his eyes. This was a day he’d waited for, hoped for and still it was a day he feared. 

She looked almost sad as she spoke, “I understand. My Jayne is afraid; afraid of brothers and captains and airlocks.” 

He nodded once, unable to put voice to his fears. 

Her expression changed, becoming resolute as she continued. “Worry not, _ai ren_ , I will protect you.”

***

Zoe arrived in the mess hall early that morning only to find Kaylee and Inara already seated, talking quietly between them and both looking the worse for wear. Zoe barely paused to splash some tea in a cup before taking a seat across from them. “We got trouble,” the former soldier announced as soon as she had their attention.

“I know,” Kaylee spoke, concern drowning the usual cheer in her voice. “Inara was just tellin’ me about what happened with Mal. And she…” The mechanic’s words withered under Zoe’s somber gaze. “But that’s not what yer talkin’ about is it…”

Zoe took a deep breath before answering. “River’s Pregnant.”

Silence met her announcement. Finally Inara asked, “How do you know? Did she tell you?”

“Not in so many words,” The first officer replied. “I found her on the bridge last night talkin’ about a baby. How it was cryin’ and how it was gonna be here soon.”

“Oh _go se_ ,” Inara cursed. “When Mal finds out…”

“Or Simon,” Kaylee interjected.

“Their little family is gonna start out short one parent,” Zoe finished.

Again, silence reigned in the hall. This time it was broken by Kaylee. “So, what we gonna do?”

“This doesn’t get out,” Zoe stated firmly. “No one else needs to know.”

“Needs to know about what?” The captain asked as he entered the mess hall.

The three women looked at each other; finally Kaylee answered. “Nothin’ Cap’n.” Then as an afterthought she added, “It’s a surprise.”

Mal’s features took on a somber cast at her words. “A surprise?” His eyes fell on Inara as he continued. “Don’t know if I can take another of those today.”

Inara’s gaze remained firmly planted on the table; she refused to meet his eyes or his challenge. 

Eventually, Mal turned his attention to preparing the morning meal. Frying pan in hand, he addressed his crew. “Kaylee, go fetch the doc and his sister. Zoe, see that Jayne is awake. We’ve got a long day ahead of us, best get started.”

The three women exchanged glances before Kayee and Zoe departed with their assigned tasks. Inara began to rise before being again subject to Mal’s stern gaze.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked with calm fury in his voice.

“I thought I would help you with breakfast,” Inara answered, her own practiced calm beginning to fragment at the edges.

“I think you’ve done enough today,” was his only reply. 

Zoe returned a few minutes later. “I knocked on Jayne’s bunk. He seemed to be movin’ around.”

The captain and first mate set the table. As the last of the food was placed, Simon and Kaylee arrived from below deck.

“I found Simon,” she stated, obviously. “But, River wasn’t in her room. Maybe she…”

Mal looked up when Kaylee’s words cut off; he followed her gaze across the room. There at the crew entrance stood River. At her side stood Jayne, his hired gun; their hands joined is a way that looked all kinds of intimate. The gun appeared in Mal’s hand quicker than you could blink; the hammer cocked and muzzle drawing a shadow right between Jayne’s eyes.

“Jayne,” Mal spoke, his words slow and menacing. “What are your intentions with my little albatross?”

Mal wasn’t sure who spoke first. It might have been Simon, demanding the man-ape unhand his sister. It could have been Inara, imploring that he put the gun down. It might even have been little Kaylee, begging everyone to calm down. Zoe, though, remained silent. Well, Zoe, River and his target.

“ _Bi Zui!_ ” Mal shouted, bringing his requested silence to the room. “Now I’ll ask you again, Jayne. What are your intentions with my pilot?”

Jayne wondered if he could spare a glance a River. She was mighty good at using words in times like this, but the business end of Mal’s weapon was a powerful draw on his attention. Jayne took a deep breath and spoke, praying to whatever god there may be that the truth would set him free. “I love her Mal.”

“You given any thought to what I’d do when I found out?” Mal asked, pistol still pointed square between his gun hand’s eyes.

Jayne gave a slight nod, not daring to break eye contact.

“You just keep thinking on that,” Mal said with menace clear in his voice. He lowered his gun, holstering it as he continued. “I find out you hurt her, in any way; I’ll make those dreams come true.”

“What?!” Simon’s indignant shout filled the small space. “Captain, you can’t be letting him go? That man-ape and… What he’s forced River to do…”

The captain ignored Simon and took his place at the head of the table as he addressed his crew. “Best eat up, ‘fore it gets cold.”

Simon would not be deterred. He crossed the room to confront the new couple, or at least the portion there of which he was related to.

“River, what has he done to you?” Simon asked and then followed up his own question before she could answer. “Have you used protection? Do you know what kind of diseases…”

“Their relationship has not been consummated, Simon,” River answered cutting her brother’s diatribe short, but refusing to meet his eye. “Agreement has been reached; we will wait until she reaches her eighteenth year.”

“ _Mei mei_ , you can’t trust him to keep his word. No matter what he’s promised you he’ll…”

Simon’s tirade was interrupted by mumbled words from River.

“What was that?” Simon asked, straining to hear her words.

“Was not her choice. His is not the promise being kept.”

As the weight and meaning of her words sunk in, several sets of eyes tuned to Jayne, who was busy filling his and River’s plates.

“Jayne?” Mal asked.

“Yeah, Mal?” Jayne answered between spoonfuls.

“Care to comment on River’s little revelation?” Mal inquired.

Jayne paused, placing his spoon back on his plate. He seemed deep in thought for a moment before speaking. “You talking about the sex thing?”

Mal glanced to Inara, looking for support. She reached out, taking his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. With her support, he tried again. “Yeah, Jayne, about that.”

“On Fremont, where I’m from,” Jayne began, “age of consent is 18. Now, I don’t know how young they marry off girls in the core, but if’n my ma found out I was sexin’ a woman ‘fore she was old enough... No offense, Mal, but she scares me a hell of a lot more than you do.” 

Jayne thought for a moment, reviewing what he’d said before adding, “’sides, it ain’t right. Girl should be a woman before she decides who to share that with.” He turned to River before adding, “That make sense?”

“Perfect sense,” River replied, answering his question with her brightest smile.

Jayne met her smile with a goofy grin of his own before returning his attention to his plate. When the others did not join him in eating, he added, “Mal’s right, better eat up ‘fore it gets cold.”

Inara was two mouthfuls into her meal before she realized what was still nagging her about the morning’s revelations. “River dear?” she asked. “If you and Jayne haven’t… Well… Then how can you be with child?”

All attempts at eating again stopped. Mal’s hand began a slow journey toward his hip.

River looked up from her plate. The confusion was evident in her expression as she met Inara’s eyes. 

“I’m not pregnant,” River stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh, _go se_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _ai ren_ \- my love  
>  _go se_ \- shit/compost  
>  _Bi Zui!_ \- be quiet/shut up  
>  _mei mei_ \- little sister  
> 


	4. Bedtime is for Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explainations are given, plans are made. And the mother is finally revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was also reviewed and improved by the wonderful night_lotus on LiveJournal

“So, she really doesn’t know who the father is?” 

Inara lifted her head from its resting place on Mal’s chest before responding. “Not really. She said she knew when it happened, but that she was, well, uncertain as to the other person involved.”

Mal reclined back into his pillow with a sigh. “You’d think that would be one of those details you’d catch.”

Inara chuckled with her reply. “It seems alcohol may have played a part.”

Mal chuckled as well, before turning serious once again.

“Things are gonna have to change,” he said, placing the captain hat firmly on his head. “We’ll have to keep to safer jobs.”

Inara’s expression hardened, and her voice was distant when she replied. “Zoe’s pregnant, Mal, not an invalid.”

He raised his head, meeting her narrowed eyes. “Think I don’t know that?” He allowed his weariness to show as he continued. “Truth is, ain’t one on this ship don’t feel like family. It’d hurt to lose any one of them.”

Her expression softened. “Even Jayne?” she asked.

His smile reached his eyes as he replied. “Even Jayne.”

Eventually, Inara’s head returned to its resting position, but not before she adorned a scar on his chest with a kiss. 

Mal sighed with appreciation, but the weariness and tension did not leave him. Finally he put words to his thoughts. “Safer jobs means less risk. Less risk means less reward.”

Inara’s words wafted up to him, though her head still rested upon his chest. “You are worried that we will go broke and end up adrift.”

He smiled, still resting his head on the pillow. “How is it you know me so well?”

“I’m a retired Companion, trained to read men.” Trepidation slipped into her voice as she continued, “And I may have snuck a glance at the ledgers last week.”

His replying chuckle allowed her to again relax.

Inara looked up, meeting his eye as she continued. “I have a suggestion in that area. I think we should rent out Shuttle One .”

“Your shuttle?” the surprise was clearly evident in Mal’s voice. “But that’s your sanctuary. You said…”

“Mal,” she cut him off, “I’m not a Companion anymore. I’m no longer entertaining clients.” She held up a hand, cutting short his interruption before it was uttered. “It is nice, having my own space, but renting that shuttle can bring in some real credits on a regular basis. While a sanctuary is nice, I like to eat on a regular basis even more.”

Mal thought on it for a while before asking, “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Inara nodded with her reply, “It’s the best choice for the good of the crew.”

“Ya know,” Mal began. “Just ‘cause you’re givin’ up your shuttle don’t mean you can’t have a sanctuary. We can move your stuff down to one of the passenger dorms. There’d be plenty o’ room for you to sanctuarize.”

“Sanctuarize?” Inara inquired with a grin on her lips.

Mal met her grin with a smile of his own. “Likely even be room for when you ladies wanna gather and make yourselves all pretty like.”

“So, are you saying I’m not pretty now?” 

Mal didn’t even pause before responding. “You are the most beautiful lady I’ve ever known.”

He was rewarded once again with a kiss, this time on the lips.

***

River smiled a deep, joyful grin.

“What you smilin’ at, baby doll?” Jayne asked in a gruff tone.

“Captain and Companion… both sacrificed… damage mended… wounds healed.”

“Well ya don’t hafta sound so smug about it,” Jayne grumbled.

She lifted her head from its resting place, trying to catch his eye, but he refused to meet her gaze.

“He is angry,” River observed; the confusion evident in her tone. “Does he not want peace between their crewmates?”

“Ain’t that,” Jayne replied, still refusing to look her in the face.

Realization dawned for River, “He is angry with me.”

“Not angry,” he was quick to correct, “Just…”

She waited, knowing he had to find the words for this himself.

Finally he broke the silence. “You broke yer word…”

“Promised to protect,” she quietly supplied.

“And Mal…” he stutteringly continued.

“There was no danger,” she assured him. “I saw no malice in his heart. He just wanted to hear.” In barely more than a whisper, she added, “As did she.”

“Hear? What…” realization dawned for the gun hand this time, “I never?”

“She has felt it, here.” River placed a hand over her heart. “Seen it here,” her hand moved to her eye. “But never before here,” she finished with her hand cupped to her ear.

“I’m sorry.” The words seemed far too little, but they were the only ones Jayne had.

“He speaks with actions,” she explained before the silence could draw out too long. “Words are not his native tongue. She knows this and loves him for it.” “Still,” she added, “It was nice to hear.”

He placed a kiss on her forehead before replying. “You are too good for me.”

“That,” she stated firmly, “is an impossibility.”

They shared a quick kiss before lying down for sleep. “Good night, my Janye,” she said, her words heavy with sleep.

“Good night, baby doll,” he responded. “I love ya, River.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LiveJournal back in October 2010. 
> 
> This was originally a stand-alone, then I wrote another stand-alone and realized they were part of the same story. The two chapters begat two more chapters and before you could spit, it was a 4 part story.


End file.
